Who Do You Want To Be?
I wrote a letter to a friend graduating college. She has a wide range of skills paired with a fantastic work ethic, so naturally there's feelings of doubt and hesitation of what to do next. Having endless options can be challenging, so I wanted to share a few thoughts that I wish I had read when I was in her shoes...many years ago.
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Friend,
I know the last thing you’re looking for is more opinions disguised as “advice” about what you should do after graduating in May. Well work and working are two topics that I’ve spent way too much time thinking about over the years, so it would be a waste if I can’t regurgitate my thoughts to my friend. So, lucky you, you get to receive this note. You don’t have to read it, but you definitely have to receive it.
To read it and all the items I’ve linked, will take some time.
TLDR:
1. Read this --> The Infinite Game
2. Pause and take time to consider what you want - think about who you want to be rather than what you want to do.
3. Seek out smart, kind people to learn from and work with.
4. Create something every day.
I’m not trying to project feelings onto you. These are a few general ideas to think about as you consider your options. And yes, you have a LOT of options.
It may sound like a paradox, but time is one of your biggest advantages right now. One of the largest and most difficult projects that hi-jacked your focus for 2+ years is complete. There’s still ~2 months until you’re officially done with school. When school does finish, you’re not on your own. You have friends and family all over to land with. This, I’m sure, is not plan “A” but knowing you have support should help lift any feeling of desperation off your shoulders. You have hit more than a few lotteries with your work ethic, genes, college experience, and other opportunities. For the first time, you’re now faced with getting to choose how to spend your time without a built-in structure or timeline. This can be both exciting and terrifying. Life without structure is overwhelming, exhausting, and harder than necessary.
My advice? Create a structure that excites you enough to push you in a worthwhile direction. Here are my thoughts on how and why you should do this.
First, I have a small ask that will look like homework (I’ve heard you’re good at this). Block off a small chunk of time and read this short essay, The Infinite Game. I wish I could say it better myself, but I can’t. It’s full of advice better than anything I can come up with. It’s an essay that a friend of mine, Blas, wrote to a collegiate tennis player graduating and figuring out “what to do.” Sound familiar? Read it slowly and in one sitting (should take ~20 minutes). I challenge you to try and read it without any preconceptions of what you “should” do based on your major or what others have told you to do already. Read it with your own fresh eyes.
Again, time is on your side. Before applying for jobs that fit in a box of what you think “makes sense,” figure out what you really want.
It can be helpful to consider what ladder you want to be on before you start climbing. One way to clarify this is to ask yourself, “Who do I want to be?” rather than “What do I want to do.”
This is different from what I was told when I graduated. The focus from my professors, classmates, and advisors was all on that first job. Accepting a job gives you something tangible to point at and tell others about. This is fine, but in the long-run it may not be helpful. Don’t take a role doing something you don’t want to learn or for someone who can’t teach you. It’s just as important to take time and learn what you do NOT want to do. Keep asking, “What would the ideal version of myself do?”
Focusing on the type of person you want to be will help make sense of job applications. Take the time and effort to apply for the ones you really want. Anything you’re applying to that feels like “checking off a box” should be skipped.
After you read The Infinite Game essay, it should be clear what I mean by “who you want to be.” It will take self-awareness to recognize and then act on your own values. It’s so easy to see and compare what others have done or what the societal standard isYou have to learn this on your own, but that’s all a waste of energy. In ~30 min of independent thinking you can have clear ideas of your own values, wants, and needs which will make every decision moving forward easier. It will help you see past other pressures and keep your eye on what’s best for YOU.
When you do the self-reflection, try to observe who and what attracts or detracts your energy. Scott Adams defines your personal energy as anything that gives you a positive lift, either mentally or physically. Like art, you know it when you see it.
Life and work are more enjoyable when you’re not being dragged down. Think about what feels easy to you but others struggle with? When you’re naturally enthused about anything, you’ll produce higher quality work. Doing good work is the second key to crafting any narrative you want in life (the first key being relationships, which I briefly touch on soon). This is why the best parts of ourselves appear when we put our heart into our work. There’s something innate in humans needing to work, be challenged, and create.
“When deciding between two seemingly equally good directions, the posture with which you walk can matter more than which path you choose” - Emerson
Ok, so far I have given 2 suggestions.
1. Read a short essay.
2. Do some self-reflection.
There's no silver bullet. After these 2 steps, you may not know who you want to become (or what you want to do) That’s ok! The only way to really learn anything is by doing. Any job can look fun, simple, and rewarding from the outside. You only find out what it’s like from being in it. This is why it’s common to be in a job, dislike it, and want to get out and change directions. Your ambitions, desires, values, etc. will change too so it’s best to act on what you know now. When you inevitably change your mind, the next decision you make will be based on added experience and new knowledge gained.
“To live is continually deciding what we are going to be. Life is fired at us point-blank; we must constantly decide what to do with it” - Ortega
This brings me to suggestion number 3 --> Aim to work on hard problems with people who care.
Emphasis on “people who care.” The most impactful thing you can find, especially early in a career, is a group of smart and kind people to work with. People who care about you and their work. People you can care about. The master / apprentice model is still one of the best systems we have to learn something. The environment you are surrounded by will rub off on you and will linger in your work style for years. The best way to become smart in any industry is by working hard shoulder-to-shoulder with the best.
Here’s another short reading if you’ve made it this far and are interested. This speech is the best argument that exists for choosing what to work on --> You and Your Research by Richard Hamming (it applies to much more than math and science, promise!). Summed up, Hamming asks, "What are the important problems of your field?'' and "What important problems are you working on?"
I really like these articles too: Burn Yourself if You Want To and In Praise of Work The advice they share boils down to:
1. Build Intellectual Capital (follow your curiosity seriously) - This is something Hamming discusses thoroughly too in You and Your Research.
2. Spend time making, every day. "We are a nation full of people doing jobs where the real job is to look like you are doing the job." <-- don't fall into this trap
Tell someone what you did every day. This will keep you humble and likely from wasting time too many days in a row.
3. Get your Passport stamped - Credentials do carry some weight and graduating from ______, you're already doing well here.
4. Train your voice - So when you have to use it, you're ready.
"Every creative person should start a blog to express and develop their art. Do not distribute it. Do not publicize it. Do not play the ego-driven Game of You. Erase it all every six months if that’s what you need to do, because odds are you have nothing interesting to say! But start training your voice NOW, because one day you will."
Anything worthwhile in life will take longer and be more difficult than you can imagine or expect when you begin. Delayed gratification has been linked to better health, more money, better jobs, higher life satisfaction, and better relationships. Use this as motivation when something is frustrating and seems too difficult to continue. If you’re wanting a good life or career, it should be hard.
All in, take a few hours to go through this and whichever links you want. Don’t rush into something that you’re not thrilled about doing with your full heart. Explore around and find what’s worth committing to. Trial and error is part of the process. Each time you will learn something to apply in whatever is next.
Lastly, and don’t forget - nobody knows anything (especially me)! Everyone’s making it up as they go. Some just do it with more conviction than others.
Always happy to clarify or discuss any of this further.
-Clayton
P.s.
Careers will continue to look less linear. Depending on what you target, there's no reason you have to do B, C, and D to get from A to E. Hard work, genuine curiosity, and learning from feedback are the parts you can't skip. Doing will always win. Go learn, write, test, build something for yourself or for someone. They don’t even have to ask for it. If you create something valuable and are kind, they will have no reason NOT to work with you. For example, say you want to do copywriting for a stationary company. Do some research on the industry and company. Write 10 pages of actual copy for their current products or one they should launch. Share the copy with the CEO or someone you've connected with at the company. This is the most effective way to get any job you want. Do the work first, show that you are listening, and provide something valuable without asking for anything in return. This will beat a resume and online application EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
If this idea intrigues you, here’s a twitter thread that explains more. I actually went through this Permissionless Apprenticeship course. It was fun, interesting, and useful to think about “creating your own job” in today’s world. I spent about 2-3 hours on a Saturday going through the whole thing.
As opportunities begin to come your way, consider these 5 questions that have proven helpful to me many times. I found them in Clayton Christensen's great book, "How Will You Measure Your Life."
1. Is this work meaningful to me?
2. Is this job going to give me a chance to develop?
3. Am I going to learn new things?
4. Will I have an opportunity for recognition and achievement?
5. Am I going to be given responsibility?